This is my world, this is who I am >>

A little too close.

2007-06-22T21:14:00.000+08:00

Dean's list : a gpa of 3.5 above. Every student in the world dreams of achieving dean's list - and those who have achieved it would want to consistently keep it until the end of studying in their various institutions. I, hold the same dream just as everyone else does. And I've come close to that. Very close. it's 0.05 point close - but not close enough to be there just yet.

I have dreamt every single day of my life having to hold the scroll on my graduation day which states "Diploma - graduated with 1st class" something like that. But no, I'm sure it will go below that. If I'm lucky, it will state "2nd class - upper". THAT is IF I manage to get a good score.

There's no one for me to blame at. It's myself. I chose to not study hard enough. I chose to sleep more than I study. I chose to be the person who do last minute preparation for both exam and presentation. I don't want to be that person anymore. Yes, I do tell myself this all the time. But now, I fcking mean it. I want to struggle more than I already have.

Nadia, buckle up!

Countdown to TWO ... GrRrr

2007-06-12T23:01:00.000+08:00

Hello people, I'm back.

The Singapore trip was okay. I get to hang out with my cousins, I mean I don't actually get to HANG-OUT with them but we are able to sit and chat endlessly for those three days of stay there. Mama, Cik Ani and Kak Nona organized the games and all that. I was busy being their official photographer, which reminds me that I haven't uploaded the pictures on Fotopages just yet. Haih.

Kak Yani rented out two chalets (inclusive of two bedrooms : one with two single beds and one with two bunk beds *double-decker*). There were like, almost 100 of us! Most of my aunties, uncles and cousins only came for the activities and later go home to their respective houses - but some, stayed in. I need to squeeze in along with my other relatives during bedtime. Nasib baik dua malam je, kalau tak.. tensi. The funny part about the chalet is that, we are only allowed to use 50 units of electricity for free, above that then we have to pay. How stingy can they be? Well, at least it's not my problem to consider.

I bought another Monopoly set from Mustafar Center. This time it's the Singapore Edition. I played the game with Kak Shida since yesterday and I haven't won a single round. She's is super-duper brilliant. Infact, the original Monopoly (the one with "Mayfair") - she won more than I did. I am about to have a heart attack for losing so frequently.

Great thing about going to Mustafar Center is that I was able to purchase a big carton of Dafruta's Peach juice (which, btw, is my fave!!!). Hee. I wonder why the hell won't they sell peach juices in Malaysia. I can't find a single bottle of peach juice anywhere here. It's paining!

So anyway, I did a new pair of glasses. My power has decreased. A bit. Do you know that I have been wearing lenses that are above my average power? Luckily the girl told me that I shouldn't wear 8.00 when my normal power is 8.80. I should wear lesser than 8.00. No wonder whenever I'm driving using my lenses everything gets so blurry! My previous optical consultant was the one who advised me to use 8.00, so its entirely his fault!

My results will be out on Thursday. Yikes! I am freaking out right now. I really want to get good grades, so that I can go abroad and get a scholarship. But what if I fail to achieve my goal?

Okay, I don't want to think about it right now.....

UWAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! wish me luck.

Tun Tan Cheng Lock, Shrek 3 & Ocean's 13

2007-06-07T22:19:00.000+08:00

On the 29th of May 2007, I attended a theatrical show. It was some sort of a tribute to our honorable Tun Tan Cheng Lock, about his life and the challenges he has faced to help Malaysia achieve her independence. Kenji Sawahii was the star of the show, with his leading role as Cheng Lock. I couldn't recognize the girl playing Yeok Neo, his wife, as she is a new Chinese talent but I do recall the other cast members : Louisa Chong, Jalaluddin Hassan (Tunku Abdul Rahman) and Abon (as one of the malay villagers).

The whole show was memorable. The director of the show has done an extremely well job (again, I forgot the name). The theatrical effects, the props, the whole set appearance was great. I love the scene when the japanese was marching into Malaya. The blasting sound of the cannons and rifles shooting from various directions were so real to me. It gave a certain focused impression on how it was like back then.

The sad part, however, is the audience. They weren't even supportive of the show. I remember, all those times when I go to Istana Budaya whenever there is a play conducted by Europeans, there are always a major applauding from the crowd. But when it comes to our own Malaysian director? Not too much of it. Probably clapping and cheering for the sake of it. They weren't even giving their whole heart into the show, or the performers. I feel sorry for them. I would certainly wouldn't want this kind of behaviour in future Malaysian theatrical shows.

On Friday last week, I picked Shrek 3 as the movie to watch. Sayang and I went to Cineplex Damansara and spent the whole of our afternoon-evening around The Curve. I shall say that I admire the place. I mean, its not like I shop there, but I love walking and observing the complicated attitudes of Malaysians. Including my own. Hee. =B.

Review on the movie: 3 star. It is not as interesting as the 2nd movie. Very cliche indeed. They are just prolonging the sequel, but I daresay they must've ran out of ideas along the way. I mean, introducing the other princesses was okay - their characters are funny in certain parts but I don't see the point? Everything is like, going all over the place and whether the highlight of the day is Shrek, Artie or is it Prince Charming I'll never know. In contrast, I love the effects and I still do love Donkey very much!

And today, my friends.....

Today I've watched Ocean's 13, which is extremely cool and meet to my likings. Again, my movie partner, Sayang, accompanied me to go (this time we viewed the movie in Summit USJ). I love you Sayang. Hee.

The movie is great. I mean, my fave. stars are both in there playing Danny and Rusty. Mwah Mwah! Rusty is just soooooooooooooooooooooo *heart-melting* oops.

But the main point is that I love the fact that they are so bloody intelligent with all those gadgets, and exit plan and all those complicated information they store in their brains, I mean AWESOME! Yeah!!!

The funny part of watching the whole show was, there's this guy.. I couldn't recognize whether he was Indonesian or a foreigner as it was dark.. he memorized every single line of the movie and well, whenever there's like a mega appearance anytime of the movie, like AL Pacino for example, he will clap excitedly. Crazy. But nevertheless, it was a good show.

Coincidentally, I bumped into Ernie and her friend, Pez, when we were heading to Sayang's car. The ironic part was that she, too, was watching Ocean's 13 and more ironic, her friend parked right infront of us. BUT I DIDN'T SEE HER AT ALL DURING THE SHOW. Although, Sayang did notice a girl coming in and out of the cinema - which later was confirmed it was indeed Ernie rushing in and out of the toilet. Haha.

I'm leaving to Singapore tomorrow folks. Have this family-day I have to attend. Will be back with you shortly. Daaa....

This Is My Now by Jordin Sparks

2007-05-25T01:32:00.000+08:00

There was a time I packed my dreams away
Living in a shell, hiding from myself.
There was a time when I was so afraid
I thought I’d reached the end.
Baby, that was then.
But I am made of more than my yesterdays.

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I had to decide.
Was I gonna play it safe?
Or look somewhere deep inside,
Try to turn the tide.
Find the strength to take that step of faith?

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.

I have a courage like never before, yeah.
I settled for less, but I’m ready for more.
Ready for more…

This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now,
And I am breathing in the moment.
As I look around,
I can’t believe the love I see.
My fear’s behind me,
Gone are the shadows and doubt.
That was then.
This is my now.
This is my now.

Congratulations to Jordin, winner of this year's American Idol.

I want Kelly back!

2007-05-24T21:38:00.000+08:00

It has been almost six days since the accident. I have been stuck at home since then. Kelly (my car) is currently undergoing some severe repairing process.

No, people it wasn't my fault!

The situation goes : I was on the way to meet Sayang in KLCC. I was at the traffic light when a Proton Wira hit me from behind. At that time it was raining heavily. At the time of the accident, I was like, "Now WHATTTT!!!" But I kept my cool and went out to see the back of my car was damaged badly, with my tail lights broken, exzos completely bent to the side, everything was screwed up, even my plan that day. I didn't scream or shout, but I knew that guy couldn't possible do anything, "Pakcik punya brakes tak makan laaaaaa." So, what more can I say?

It has also been six days since I saw my car. I FCUKING MISS my car. I want it back. I have a lot of things to do, and it can't be done without my car. I have been moving relentlessly trying to find a fun thing to do at home. Other than that, if no option was found, I will be sulking and pouting pretty much unappropriately (for a 2o year old)!

And the insurance guy has been bugging me ever since. I have no idea what is the relevance of him asking for my insurance policy when its actually the guy's fault. Why must I go through all these troubles when it wasn't even my fault. It's always like this. Like Sayang said, "Its procedure sayang, this is bureaucracy."

P/S: Jaslene won ANTM CYCLE 8. OHMYFGOD she is, not to say NOT pretty, but she is really freaky looking.Nevertheless, they really need new faces in this industry. She has this authentic latino face, which is very rare in the modelling market these days. Lucky for you Jaslene, you nail it.

P/S/S: I watch Grey's anatomy S3 episode 25, Christina didn't marry Burke!! *cries* and well, after confronting Meredith about his flirting with the new intern at the bar, Meredith has called it quits with Derrick Shephard. ;*(. And George didn't pass the internship exam, forcing him to retake the entire internship program all over again (which I am not quite sure his decision just yet). Take care people!

and all the bands come tumbling down..

2007-05-19T00:44:00.000+08:00

The deadline for the application for MUET examination is on June 4, 2007. Thanks to Niena's enquiry last night, I suddenly remembered I haven't bought the form just yet - until this afternoon when I rushed to JPS to purchase the forms for me, sayang and Niena.

Another reminder - I don't have a copy of my SPM cert and my IC with an official stamp on it. Geez. I have to get all this done by Monday, otherwise I might never find the time to do so.

MUET. Malaysian University English Test. A test to determine whether students are fit to continue the Malaysian Edu programs for undergraduate studies. And who knows, if I might get lucky, some generous Mr. Moneytastic wants to grant me with a whole load of cash for me to go study overseas, I might just - but as a procedure, depending on which country- students will have to take another special test : TOEFL or IELTS. WHICH IS SO DARN EXPENSIVE TO BEGIN WITH!

The rapid flowing of money. Sorry ayah.

Su is so lucky she sat for the MUET test earlier, so its over and done for her. Her english is like, one of the best in class. So I won't be suprised if she scored a Band 6 or 5. Sha obtained a Band 5. Sha, is always an A student in English when we are back in school. Ooh, I envy this people.

Honestly, my english is not as it was before. My comprehension, my summary writing, I fail to perform well in any of these - which is the greatest disappointment ever. It's not that I did not try, I just lose my touch.

Probably I should start reading more. I should. I really should.

terrified

2007-05-17T22:58:00.000+08:00

Do you know anyone who seems to be like a replica of you. Another you that's been reborn - but without your consent? And, have you ever experienced the feeling where you want to tear their eyes out open so they can't see what you have - which then will lead them to have the same thing.

To make long story short - encountered any STALKERS, copycats, or rip-offs of you lately?

I don't know about you, but I've encountered a particular few - for as long as I have lived. It's pretty flattering in the beginning. Yeah, people like what you wear and how you wear them. They like your things, they want to have the same things too - but only different in colour. They want to talk like you or act like you. But most importantly, anything that's yours - they want it.

It's sickening when it happens too often. It's more like, i have a few copy machines that I didn't send orders for. Cool isn't it? Its suffocating. Orang melayu cakap, macam taknak kalah. Gila betul. Most of you may or may not understand. Most of you men, truly won't understand. My father, or my boyfriend laughs about it whenever I mention anything like it.

Like the typical malay movies; friends, neighbours, colleagues are all racing for time to win over the other party. When it comes to being so attentive to work and impressing the boss, both will have the tendency to outbeat the other. They will duel and duel until they cough out blood. It doesn't matter whether the items they are racing for is a luxury item, they will to the extend duel over whose kitchen has the most food. If they extend any part of their house, the other party wants to do an extension as well. If they buy new car, the other party will buy a new car, which is more expensive, and bigger. It continues.. on and on and on..

What is there to proof?

Most teenagers these days will go for brands like TopShop, Dorothy Perkins, Miss Selfridge, ESPRIT and all that. It's funny really but when a girl gets all high and mighty over a brand, and look good in it too - other girls, who may not suit the brand, tries so hard to be "in" and buy the brand and wear it from head to toe without realizing how ridiculous they look. Another case will be, they point out something you wear and make a comment "Oh, I love those flats. It's ____ flats." As if they know anything about fashion, or anything close to it for that matter and let's take a check - when the hell did she own these things again?

I admit I don't know anything much about fashion and I am not embarrassed about it. My world doesn't evolve around the latest trends and all that (at least, not SEVEREly), but I will only pick the things that suit me the most. And I think people should do the same thing, instead of just absorbing everything they looks good in the outer layer. The thing you have to remember is, what's the whole point of wearing something that you are not comfortable in?

I don't really go for brands so whatever, but I pity some of my friends, who consistently suffers from the birth of these wannabees of their personalities. Culture-shocked homosapiens that do not have identities of their own. Tahu keje tiru orang je. Dah la suke tiru masa exam, perangai and perwatakan orang pun nak tiru gak. Sometimes they buy the same things, so they can be in every single conversation being discuss everywhere and anytime. So they can just budge in "Oh, I have the same exact thing. Yeah I KNOWWWWWW rightt???"

gila la manusia sekarang ni

P/S: Jangan ingat kes ni berlaku dekat perempuan je - lelaki skrg pun boleh tahan tau, taknak kalahhh youuu!

It's Monday!

2007-05-14T14:28:00.000+08:00

... and I don't have to experience Monday blues for at least the whole of this one and a half months holiday. So nice. So breezy. Wee.

I got up late this morning, at approximately 1pm. Had a fast lunch. Kak Shidah made sup ayam with rice. Nyum2. And well, later on I watched ANTM Cycle 8 episode 12 : the one when Dionne got eliminated.

I suddenly began to realize, just as he other girls have realized it for so long : Nata has a complete dysfunctional personality. She is a pathological liar, who randomly changes the stories of her life and she always has this cynical assumption that everyone is so jealous of her beauty and her "high-level" of talent. It's frustrating isn't it? TO be in a competition with a girl who complicates situation. Regardless of all that, she's still amazingly beautiful. I mean, regardless! Period.

I am impatiently waiting for Veronica Mars! I can't wait for the new season's 17th episode! I've been waiting for almost a week now. It will be in my database any minute from now.

Ooh, Grey's Anatomy, the 20th episode : erm Richard got the hang of being single, Izzy's daughter Hannah suffered from Leukimia and Meredith's step mother hogs all over her. Oh, and Christina manage to drive off the doctor, who was her lecturer in her medical school, and was also her EX-LOVER to leave Seattle Grace for good.

Yeahh, the tv-series virus is abruptly starting. Ohh well.

I should go to Giant and make myself useful.

want to be on top like AJ?

2007-05-12T22:31:00.000+08:00

I love AJ STEWART! She is so hot, and talented, and sophisticated, and edgy, and everything else there is to become a model. I worship her to death. She is the reason why I am so addicted to the ANTM series. I watched it all. And I will continue hunting for more.

Oh, in Cycle 8 : I think Renee and Natasha are simply gorgeous. Renee has this natural beauty and she seems to go well ALL the time infront of camera, whether it is a posing task or just talking TO or with the camera. A very model-like personality indeed. A definite Cameron Diaz. I like girls with husky voices. and she sounded like Cammie sebijik. Natasha, not so confident in the talking, but her luscious lips makes her close to the next Angie Jolie. She has this sexy aura pasted all over her.

Anyways, EXAMS are over. So its tv series marathon time. I've downloaded the 3rd season for Veronica Mars. I watched the latest Heroes episode. The one where Sylar dueled face to face with Peter Petrelli. Kind of a suspense. I hate the fact that Clair died!

Btw, this new layout is especially dedicated to AJ STEWART and her beautiful personality. IT IS OFFICIALLY DESIGNED BY ME. SO NO COPY2 okay? Mwahs.

3 down, 2 more to go.

2007-05-06T15:11:00.000+08:00

I've finished all the three papers, two that I've dreaded and the one, well.. I just hope the other one I get a 4.00 for it. HOPEFULLY.

Anyways, I am not going to write much. My parents are safely home from Mecca btw. It's great to see them. I've missed them alot. And it's been a pain living without them, and yeah I've been broke for the past few days - my banker is out of town! =(. Hee. Habislah aku kene lecture lepas ni.

Today's paper - Issues in Modern/Contemporary Malaysia - was friggin hard weh. You know, I've read almost everything the lecturer asked us to. From the Ninth Malaysian Plan to the organizations (SUARAM, SUHAKAM). But do you have any idea what came out? Like, 30% of the questions are all on FEDERAL CONSTITUTION, the act and stuff. WTF? They didn't even teach us that, let alone BRIEF us anything about it. It's so unfair. I demand free marks! RIGHT NOW! Sheesh.

Ok lah. What's has passed is a past now. I have to concentrate more on the upcoming papers (Econs and Broadcasting). Ooh guys btw, I want to share you this song lyric by Bon Jovi entitled "(You Want to)Make a Memory". This song is freaking sweet weh. I'm lovin' it.

Hello again, it's you and me
Kinda always like it used to be
Sippin' wine, killing time
Trying to solve life's mysteries

How's your life, it's been a while
God it's good to see you smile
I see you reaching for your keys
Looking for a reason not to leave

If you don't know if you should stay
If you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be

You wanna make a memory?

I dug up this old photograph
Look at all that hair we had.
It's bittersweet to hear you laugh
Your phone is ringing I don't wanna ask

If you go now, I'll understand
If you stay, hey, I've got a plan
We're gonna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

If you don't know if you should stay
And you don't say what's on your mind
Baby just breathe
There's nowhere else tonight we should be
We Should be

You wanna make a memory
You wanna steal a piece of time
You can sing the melody to me
And I can write a couple of lines

You wanna make a memory?

FINAL EXAM!

2007-04-20T12:52:00.001+08:00

This is the timetable for my finals starting next week:

~~25 April 2007~~ ~~: Advertising /ADV241/~~

~~3 May 2007~~ ~~: Publishing /PUB251/~~

~~6 May 2007~~ ~~: Issues in Modern Msia /LIB201/~~

~~9 May 2007~~ ~~: Economics /ECO101/~~

~~12 May 2007~~ ~~: Broadcasting /BRO231/~~

* UiTM : Dip. Media & Communication (MC110) *

Good luck to all my fellow Part 4-ers!!!!

Virginia Tech Massacre

2007-04-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

It's ironic. Just yesterday I was corresponding emails with Katherine, the students admission officer of VCU (Virginia Commonwealth University). I was enquiring about the international student application. I thought, well.. if I were to spend the rest of my degree years in UiTM, will that 1 1/2 year certificate meet with their requirements for their Master's programme. If not, am I eligible enough to go for their degree program next year? The reason why I am so enthusiastic right now is because I read that VCU Adcenter can help me build an outstanding portfolio before I get involve with the industry itself.

Advertising. I never knew I would be so interested to pursue a career in this field. I always thought I wanted to do Public Relations. But then again, I can do both if I put more effort into it right?

I am not saying I am all that good. I'm saying that the award motivates me to go further. When we were complimented for our excellent performance that day, no words escaped my mouth except tears of joy. It's like, "hey guys, we did it." After all those hard days and nights trying to convince my team's Chief Creative Officer on the central idea - he is finally convinced that it was a success - on that day. Thanks!!!

So yes, I am finally clear on what I can do right now. It'll not be long until I will reach my working age anytime soon.

So anyway, back to the story..

This morning, I came out of my room and saw today's headline on 'The Sun' : "Remorseful Koreans" with a picture of South Koreans looking devastated.
As I read on until the very end, I was like "Ya Allah!".

There was a shooting massacre last Monday at one of Virginia's universities, Virginia Tech. The newspaper stated that a South Korean student named Cho Seung-Hui was responsible for the crime that involves 32 people plus a few professors and even a few other foreign students. The rest of the victims are local students.

This Cho guy is reported to be a troubled LONER and is suffering from a bad case of depression. Can you imagine a person that had the heart to murder 32 of his classmates. Oh, what happened to him in the end? He commited suicide. And the story ends there. He is also said to be a psychopathic person and had been going on psychiatric medication before the strike and his death. A creative writer he is, but unfortunately not on the right side. He loves writing suicidal notes, gruesome words and even wrote gruesome stories during creative writing class.

If you think about it, he should be an amazing psychothriller author or something, don't you think? It seems that he has quite the imagination.

*Gulp* What do you know...

P/S: My deepest condolences and regrets to the victims of the massacre, and also to the US and South Korean citizens that are affected in this matter. Although it involved the doings of an asian citizen, hopefully the US people are not stereotyping or being prejudice towards the rest of us asians.

Inept

2007-04-18T23:36:00.000+08:00

The only valid reason for me not being out of the house is because I have no cash. I am only left with RM15 from yesterday's change for my pizza (which unfortunately is now flown to the photo printing for lomo developing). Basically, that's that. I'm broke. I'm bored. I'm restless. And I am still so LAZY to even begin my revision for my finals.

Last night, I went to Eye on Malaysia with Sayang. The weather was good, the place was barely crowded. We got the gondola to ourselves. We took lotsa photos with my Holga and his Fisheye 2. Trying to do lotsa multi and long exposures. I don't know if mine come out nicely. The last time I tried using the Holga, the film was over-exposed and nothing came out of it. I had to waste RM5 for the printing fee. Before I met Sayang in KLCC right before we went for EOM, I was on the road for almost 1 and half hours trying to make my way through KL. It seems that something was stopping me from reaching my destination. I keep going on the same routes over and over again and still ended up in the same place. To cut long story short, I was lost. I didn't know where to go. It is not like me to be lost in KL. I am so used to the route to KLCC. I never got lost before. It's so tormenting. And plus, I didn't have any prepaid to make any calls or send sms even.

Sayang only called me like what, after half an hour. By then I was screaming hysterically for him to come and rescue me. Sorry, Sayang.

But well, he didn't come to rescue me. I rescued myself. He sorta rescued me a bit lah, he asked me to calm down and listen to his directions.

But anyhow, everything was fine by the time I got to KLCC in one piece. We walked for awhile, I got a mixed fruit juice from the food court, which cost me RM7! FOr a small freaking juice. Memang tak patut, but I was so thirsty! Okay, so we went to EOM right after I finished my juice up.

It was very romantic. It's been awhile since I actually spent a quiet quality time with Sayang. Just sitting down inside the gondola. Our arms wrapped around each other. It is so comforting. I feel so safe. Watching the lights of Kuala Lumpur - it looks completely different from up there. I mean, normally you would see the view from the ground. It is so magical. The breeze, it was intoxicating. I feel like jumping out and let the wind blow me away. Man, now my innerchild wants to be like peter pan. Or buzz lightyear would say "Up, up, and awayyyyyyyyy!!!"

*sigh*

I hope the photos look nice!

I love my Fadzli. He's the best. He's the man!!! weeee...

Anyway, when I came back home Sha was already in my room doing her C: Java whatever programming. She stayed for the night. Poor girl. Her network card was blown off just like mine. It was great to see her. =). I did nothing except disturbing her and yakking over silly things that have been happening to me the whole week. I guess I was tired of my own rantings and fell asleep. The next thing I know, she was gone when I woke up. ;(

It's scary

2007-04-17T13:03:00.000+08:00

How do you win pretentious instant friends?

Just by listening to their stories, doing the things they do (that are probably beyond your usual norms), talk and think like they do. That's how you win them. That's how they will come to like you as a whole (when the truth is, they are just liking you because you're the exact image of themselves). Honestly people, who would like anyone more than they like themselves.

I don't tolerate that right now. I respect people for who they are. I don't expect them to think the same way as I do, infact I like the way they think or talk differently than I am. I also like the fact that I am different from anyone of them in every possible way. Intelligence, "coolness" is all in the mind. You don't have to prove anything but people will know it by themselves. That's one of the principles of life that I hold.

The best thing about life is also by having a boyfriend who understands you completely. He knows whenever I need to lie down, I just need a drive around town. He knows that taking pictures is one of my leisure hobbies. He knows the right things to say and he knows that I still have an inner child inside who doesn't want to grow up. Or see the blackness of this world for that matter.He will sit beside you even during your worst mood swings, he will hold you when you are fragile and ready to break and he will stand by you with all your rubbish talkings. I love Fadzli, not just because he is my beau but because I find a friend in him, a friend that is willing to sacrifice anything like a true friend will do.

Making friends. I am still doing so. Just that right now I don't really have the time to open up to new friends as the ones I already have, are already taking too much of my space :P. But the thing is why must I open up to people who don't even appreciate me? Only USE me for the benefits I have. Who only talk to me when they absolutely need to. Who will only talk to me when they have the mood or when they have something to gain. If I am cool one season, they will talk to me the whole time. If I am out of style, they will just ignore me like I don't exist. Why must I be friends with someone who always run away from their problems. And those with people who get me in trouble and ignored that fact and pretended nothing happen at all. Oh, how bout those parasites who switch sides suke suke hati bapak dierang? Wait, friends. Do they even deserve that title for a start? Why must I have people' like these I ask you. So forget it lah. I'm not dealing with these anymore. I'm not hostile, I am ANNOYED and hurt and bruised all over. So if it's up to me. I'll drain it all out.

But patience is a virtue. Patience isn't there for nothing. So I have to enhale and exhale in hopes that I don't break this world into two. My friends said I always have so much anger. There's just too much going on inside my head. How the hell can I let it out if I have to deal with these kind of things every day and it won't end. Ayah forced me astray, and daddy knows best. Yes, and it felt good. Very good infact. I retreat with dignity and it saves me a hell lot of blood pressure rising.

Naturally, I know in the future I will be able to expand my system abit and have a bit of a freedom to go into new things naturally. I will choose friends more wisely. I carve them carefully one by one like diamonds. And the ones now that I have I will keep them until I die. I really want to say is I love my friends. Sha. Sue. Fareez. Ernie. Iylia. Nikki. Nazz. Lily. Niena. Matt. 7-2-2. 8-2-2. the girls. the guys. my dearest sayang the most ever outstandingly the greatest FADZLI. I love you all very much. Every single one of you. And I am thankful I still have you all in my life. And the ones that I haven't lost. The ones who have forgiven me after so long. Thank you.

I love you guys.

What a wonderful world.

2007-04-17T02:00:00.000+08:00

Study break starts.. NOW!

Recap for the past few quarters of my life:

1) I watched "300" twice (once with Sayang, and another one time with Ayah)
2) I watched Mukhsin with Sha
3) I watched "Perfume : Story of a Murderer" late-nite show with Sayang
4) Sayang and I have reached our 6th month together on the 14/04/2007
5) I've gotten a brand new Holga camera from Sayang as a birthday present.
6) I've settled all my presentations
7) My team's De'Menus booklet got a two-thumbs up from Puan Nora. The peculiar thing is, she didn't even nominate it for the Magnum Opus Awards.
8) Cik Shifa fell in love with our DuChef campaign ad (the print ads)
9) Our campaign ads were nominated in the Magnum Opus Awards and won first prize. CONGRATS to all my teammates.. love you guys. the art director sue, and spashly the chief creative officer ;P Sayang. Our team won a trophy, RM250 and acknowledgement certs for our CV.
10) I cut my hair REALLY short
11) I learnt how to bake :)

Thats the most of what I have recorded in my memories for now.

Right now I'm on study break... yeahhooO!!!
Btw, my finals will be starting on April 25th with Advertising. Hee.

Okay, I'm not completely free-lah. But just free from all those sleepless nights and tormenting assignments.

Guitar : Regenerated

2007-01-13T11:48:00.000+08:00

I'm back at home for the weekend and right now I'm listening to The Used's "Blue and Yellow" over and over again. Trying to figure out how to play the chords for this song. Yes, yes. I'm going to go back on playing my guitar. I don't want to get rusty, eventhough I'm not much of a good guitar player, but I'm very much of a good "plucker" (if that's what you call it).

I've finished memorizing the tabs for "Your Call" by Secondhand Serenade and the chords for "Sidewalks" by Story of The Year. Damn, I really do have to learn the strumming patterns. Okay, enough of strumming and plucking for now.

I will be going to Giant later to get some grocery stuff for the house. Ayah reminded me to buy some mince beef so that he can cook spaghetti for dinner. Yum, yum. I miss Ayah's spaghetti. Hehe.

Am I boring you mentally? I know. I have no idea what to write today. I sound so amateurish. ;(. Like a kid who just finished her upsr paper or something. Can you imagine, I got a B+ for my Mainstream English.. after all these years of getting As. It's so humiliating. Really.

I am probably going to Kinokuniya tomorrow to get my Economics textbook. That itself will cost me RM100. Ergh. My purse will be burnt with holes but nothing to spend. Oh did I tell you I got a new purse? Yes, I did. I replaced the old Hurley jeans purse with a new mature Liz Clairborne, which I bought in Lot10 during the holidays while Lily was busy searching for the perfect cologne for her dearly beloved Asyraf.

Hmm...
And so tomorrow will be my 3 months with Fadzli.
And so tomorrow I will still be broke.
I wonder, what should I get him?
or do I have to postpone the thought?

Sorry, Saaaaaaaaayaaaaaaangggggggggggg..........

A new start of 2007

2007-01-12T14:11:00.001+08:00

Right now, while waiting for Fadzli to finish his Friday prayers, I'm wasting my time at the campus' hotspots trying to make use of the internet. I'm sorry I haven't been posting for sometime. Okay, it's not like I've been really, really busy - it's just I haven't got around to blog.
Oh, there is nothing much I want to share with you from the holidays except for the fact that I watched A Night at the Museum three times!!! Yeah, well it is a good movie. So, what are you waiting for? Go and watch it if you haven't already!

All my classes (Advertising, Broadcasting, Publishing, Economics, and Issues in Modern Malaysia) have started - except for PUB252 (which I don't know yet what it stands for), Puan Nora's Class. Already have the lecturers given us a list of assignments we have to be prepared for, and they have already given me a headache. I'm still jet-lagged from the holidays. I'm still not fully awake.

The most boring subject for this semester is going to be, I think, Issues in Modern Malaysia. The subject is seriously out of my concern, although it is literally important for me as a media student. I am already deploring because firstly, I am not interested at all in the political goings in this country. Secondly, there is no specific textbook as I have to do my own research, my own notes and my own opinion searching. Secondly, the lecturer who will be teaching isn't someone who is specialized in this field of study. She is just someone taking over the actual lecturer who was supposed to be teaching us, as a friendly favor. Quite seeing me failing this subject already?
I hope not. I am maintaining a very clean record in my results so I don't want to fail suddenly after all the years of studying in this university. Bluergh!

I've received an sms from Kak Long last night saying that we'll be going to Jakarta, again in August. How cool is that? And I am PROBABLY will be going to Australia also in May (this one hasn't be confirmed yet). Yes, what can I say, travelling is just part of me. =).

Things to be done :
- Pick a fave. advert for individual presentation & prepare a slideshow
- Pick a current issue for individual presentation & prepare a slideshow + notes
- Read the first chapter for Advertising
- Read the second chapter for Economics

Goshh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ARE WE HAVING FUN YET???

Happy New Year 2007

2007-01-01T21:22:00.000+08:00

A brand new year, yet the same old feeling. Resolutions? None this year. ANYWAY, it doesn't MATTER how many conflicts I will have to confront in this continuum of days - I will learn, in hope to be a better person someday.

Technically, I am somewhat you call a "SARACEN". Like I've said earlier in the previous posts, I've been sleeping over from one place to another. Yes, I really do miss my bedroom. I miss my bantal busuk and so on. Yeah, my bantal busuk is so precious to me. Now that's my innerchild talking, not me. so not me people!!!!

The best start of 2007 is that my car roadtax has been deducted to RM20 from RM30. Cool huh? =B. And yeah, Naz will be staying with me this week for two days. Finally, someone sleeping over at MY PLACE!!!!

Stupid. Everything is just so stupid right now. Period. I'm about to blow off.

Jakarta and Bandung : the stratospheres

2006-12-12T11:43:00.000+08:00

Okay folks, these are some of the photos taken during my stay at Jakarta and Bandung in Indonesia. Those in B&W are pictures of Jakarta whereas those in colour are pictures of Bandung. I will write a full entry and the whole episode of everything later because currently am not free to do so. For now, enjoy the photos folks. Daa.

At Pasar Mayestik

Kak Zida with the ultimate TEH BOTOL

Jakarta Busy City along with heavy MACHETs

In Bandung

@ Cihampelas Mall

@ General George's Garden

Apa Ertinya Cinta?

2006-12-11T22:20:00.000+08:00

I have just returned home from KL Sentral with Ernie and Iylia. :D. I spent half of my day there with Fadzli and Kenny. Later on Kepeng joined us and an hour or so after that Ernie and Iylia stopped by from Ulu Langat (Ernie's home). In the end, the girls came back with me. So what was I doing in KL Sentral btw?

To watch Apa Ertinya Cinta, the vcd I just bought from Jakarta. I know the movie has been out for quite AWHILE but well, I am not of those who are updated with the latest indon flick so gimme a break. So yeah, I spent the evening watching the movie on Fadzli's notebook until well, the battery depleted.

I really don't understand the movie, infact I almost dozed off half of it. The guys were pretty excited by the appearance of their beautiful Luna (Acha Septriasa) who acted as Mitha, Aliza (Shandy Aulia)'s bestfriend. Hmm Samuel Rizal is supposedly "gay" or something but I don't know, seriously I don't know how to tell you what the whole movie is about. I have to watch it again and concentrate properly and then will let you know about it.

I am hopelessly broke. I need money. My banker is still in Jakarta. Ayah, please come home soon your daughter is starving for more shopping. :D

P/S: Iylia sangat comel with her new hairstyle. Short and simply the cutest. :D.

No money, but got trouble

2006-12-05T21:17:00.000+08:00

The best part of being home is that O-K.. you're home, you are entirely comforted, secured, loved yadddddaaaaaaaaaaaaa BUT IT SUCKS when suddenly turn you to open your purse and find there's no such thing as a one dollar bill in it. Damn!

The craziest part was that yesterday before I went to Kak Long's house, I found out that my purse was missing. I searched high and low for it, retracing my every step, even doing it repeatedly for I don't know how many times. It was frustrating, panicking, furiously tormenting. I called Ayah, and even called Fadzli for self-reassurance (not that I think Ayah would give, since he was busy scolding me on the other line for being careless and pestering me to look for it but he's my daddy after all, a girl needs a little last minute help). Hmph! But unfortunately, ZERO purse was found. I was hopeless. No ID, no cash, no driver's license. What the hell man?

I was rethinking about going to Kak Long's place, what if I get caught by the cops for driving illegally.. not just driving, but being on the grounds of Malaysia without an authorized identification. It will be humiliating to be thought as an immigrant. Now, now people. This is Siti Nadia you're talking about, she drives to hell not the other way round. So, I just grabbed my lil black burberry travel bag and went off to see Alya and the other kids. Alhamdulillah I safely arrived there. I quickly started playing UNO Spin with them to take my mind off things until I got a phone call...

"Nadia, you ni carik pakai hidung ke?"
"Huh?"
"Bende tuh terselit kat tepi katil la bodoh.. SEEEEEEE-TANN.... HAHAHAHAHA"
"Heeeeeeeee"

Yeap, he found it alright. I love Ayah, at stressful moments he can still joke!!! I thought, mesti die baru abis tengok cite P.Ramlee.. haih, but thankfully dah jumpa khazanah suci gua itu!!!!

What a relief!!!
I got home today safely too. No road-blocks what-so-ever. For the first time, I was being a very decent driver, not trying to break any traffic laws whatnot. Haha, now that I have my driver's license, the game is back on. I am a true manic driver what can i do about it?

So nice. Just now at about 5pm Lea and I went to Coffee Bean @ Subang Parade and yak until about 7pm, then she sent me home. She was so generous knowing the little girl who has just found her purse, but still very much broke. Thank you dear, I will treat you pulak some other time!!

P/S:
Dear, my tercinta Fadzli. Tolonglah topup cepat2. Saya rindu awak and saya pokai ni. Errrr....

A ROUTER to Veronica Mars :)

2006-12-04T10:31:00.000+08:00

Some of you may not know that I've been disconnected from the internet world a week for almost a month because the LAN ethernet port on my laptop just couldn't detect any device connection due to several damages on the network card. Last Thursday I went to Kak Long's office in Damansara Heights to ask whether HP technician could assist me in figuring what the hell I should do to repair it. As expected by Kak Long, the technician told me there is a problem linked to my motherboard I should insert a new one which will cost me RM1,845!!!!!! Gosh, imagine what I could buy with that sum of money! In the end, I thought "Okay, Naddy.. It's time to buy a router!"

And so I did. Thankfully my CPU is working now, after so long. So I bought a Dl-524 Wireless router from the IT Shop in Subang Parade and connect it to my computer and then my streamyx modem to it. A simple process and then wal-la, I have my own wireless network. I was kind of worried someone from outside my home will be able to hijack my account but fortunately, there's a 10-pin code that will be needed in order to access the network. :). Its nicer to go online on my laptop because sometimes I'm just too lazy to sit on a chair and surf.

With both my CPU and laptop done now, I can now happily download the full season 2 of Veronica Mars (although Season 3 is almost half aired already). I can't wait to download season 3 pulak nanti. Being the slow-paced internet surfer, I've just realize how nice Grey's Anatomy is and finished downloading the full season 1 two days ago. :P. Now, all I need to do is borrow Kak Long's full season 2 sebab agak penat la nak download semua benda kan? ATT to Sharifah Amalina : I may need to copy your latest season 4 episodes of The O.C. Thanx Hun!!!!

I'm going to sleepover at her house tonight. I'll be leaving home this afternoon to take care of my nieces and nephew. Yes, and the best part is that Abang Riad has installed a full wireless connection at their new home, how great is that? Tropicana, here I come!

Cinta for Daisies

2006-12-03T10:06:00.000+08:00

Can it really be possible that this actual date "1st December 2006" is ever yet the most romantic day of my life, as far as 19 years and tons of unsuccessful relationships are concerned. This is aboveboard, a day I will never forget.
As been shared with you earlier, Fadzli and I have TWO special dates. So yesterday, 1st of December was 1st Month Anniversary part two (how technical can any description be?) so well, we both decided a few days earlier that we should spend half the day together since there's extra sentiment to the date. I mean, it's not like other days differ from one another. The SENTIMENT people, get it?

The latest soon-to-be malay blockbuster hit movie "CINTA" played by Rashidi Ishak, Que Haidar, Pierre Andre, Nanu Baharuddin, Fasha Sandha, Eizlan Yusof, Fatimah Abu Bakar, Dato Rahim Razali *not so sure though =p*, Sharifah Amani and Rita Rudaini was released two days ago. As soon as they launched the movie in all the GSCs and TGVs, I immediately book us seats! I, wouldn't want to miss this in the whole world. It seems that this movie was rated with a high commentary. I wasn't at all surprise. I would say, two thumbs up! I mean, seriously how can you co-ordinate such creative plots throughout your story. How can you even manage to make every scene meaningful and not just a scene of waste?

Teardrops never fail to fall from the middle til the end of the movie. It touched so many hearts. It touched mine, and Fadzli's too. We were so awed by the immaculacy of love. Love, between two people who are destined for each other - an unrequited love, love that has been taken for granted, love that suffer from a great loss. Love is both happiness and pain. Love is about sacrifice. And sadly, love is also about letting go.

We both learnt the many many exquisite forms of love. Particularly, a love that has been kept for so long. Oh, sayang.

After the movie, surprisingly we bumped into Adlie with his childhood friend, Anis. I think that was her name. =). It was good to see him, haven't seen him for sometime. Howdy Adlie!!!

I am officially a sucker for surprises, especially if it has been sprinkled with peach-coloured daisies on it.
Yes, my surprise...
He made a self-crafted card for me and it was so beautiful. I was teary-eyed, especially when I read his words of passion that he carefully coordinated back to back, line by line...
You know the thing I love most about him, is that he knows I love daisies and is never sick of getting the flowers for me.
Which, no one has ever done in my entire being.
You know what I have no idea how to express my sense of appreciation for you, Sayang but you know what I mean.
And I love you, so help me God I love you to death, helplessly inlove.

Sayang, those words...
*speechless*

a long wait

2006-11-29T14:43:00.000+08:00

Sometimes I am trying so hard to be sensible and rational. About things. Like how to handle them. At times, it's easy and most of the time it is not a big deal but certain days, I just lose it. My patience especially. I'll throw a fit, make a mess out of everything and by the end of the day regretting everything, promise to not make the same mistakes again.

Okay I have no idea what I am pointing out right now.

Mental Illness

2006-11-22T16:14:00.000+08:00

Excruciating pain
Overpowering your sanity
Slamming your head violently
Towards the iron fence
That is blazing hot with fire
The glimpse of lightning half-blinded you
Then you hear the thunder
You collapse
And you realize you are lost in time
That previous moment which you
proclaimed was yours
Result to nothingness
But shadows of your fading soul
You drop down to your knees
Begging the human breath
To hear what they are not saying
To suck out what they are not telling you
But you begin to drown
Into the sinking silence
of agonizing secrets
Those secrets
Those hidden words
Why?

The Secret

2006-11-21T16:56:00.000+08:00

Concealed your HEART
from the truth
Promised your HEART
but with a barrier between
yours
and hers
and his
and whoever
trapped inside for so long
and now
the doors are finally open
for you to proceed
and leave the emptiness forever
new doors are now opened for you
letting you in
but did you
let them in to your own door
instead you lock them out
pushing them away
forgetting that you've made a promise
that you never BREAK them apart
that you will scarcely reveal
like that moment when she shed
tearful blend of anger
and hurt
that creeping out filtiness
the excruciating experience
you've made a promise to reveal
but did you
honestly did you?

a true bond ;)

2006-11-15T03:48:00.000+08:00

Another day passes by. Another hour wasted (as in, me not studying). As I sit here driving the keys on my HP Pavillion at the Faculty's hotspot, I begin to wonder have I been using all my time beneficially? Err. Maybe.

Note : I have been studying. Just not consistently. I was studying like hell when I was at home. Campus, not really an ideal place to study for me. Weird huh? Extremely. I've just added the comment section for this new layout, after so long. Yeah well, at least people can start commenting again if they ever want to, it's not that I'm hoping for comments anyway. I mean, technically what I write in here are just plain private thoughts that are heavily encrypted and I purposely want to get them out of my chest.

Btw, today is a symbolic day for three people. Yes, first I would like to wish Miss Suhaili a very HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! Yes, she is officially 9-teen now, at last. I mean it's about time isn't it? :). I still don't know what to get you yet, and currently I am officially broke so bear with my delay okay sweetie? Secondly, I would like to wish Fadzli a HAPPY FIRST MONTH of our relationship. Yeah, no big deal for most of you but it's such a big deal for us 'cos we had to go thru shits before any of this was even possible. Not planning on celebrating it huh sayang? Yeah, well.. we did somewhat celebrate it yesterday - we went for a combo shopping spree and had fish and chips for lunch. Yeah, and spent almost 11 hours together. Which is cool huh? Which is not very common but for us, 11 hours?? NOTHING!! hahahahah..

I wonder if we will ever ever get bored of each other. We only stop talking to each other when we are fast asleep, so can you imagine the amount of time, the amount of words that we speak. With him, I don't think I will be able to stop talking. Yeah, kan you teman borak I kan sayang? ahahahahahahaha....

Okay, I want to get back on my studying. Chalos.

the hunger, the strive and the commitment.

2006-11-12T20:57:00.000+08:00

i always think, being alone is the most pleasent moment in ur life..
u can run, u can hide, u can do whatever u feel good in whatever condition ure in...
i always did, and i always think its my destiny 2 end up that way...
but hell, thats just a crappy quote contacting my aging thoughts 4 a long time... until that day...

im not used to it, nor im feel blessed about it at the first time...
but it is true, damn it! its so freaking true...
hey... its not a joke... im not joking at all...
i never thought that im going to feel it one day... the feeling people call it love...

but hey... i finally realized...
that theres someone... there is SOMEONE...
someone i never thought she will even talk to me...
or even take even a slight glimpse at me...

i never felt it before... the feeling of falling in luve wif a person... the person that never knew u existed... im sorry... i cannot help it... im just drifted away by this feeling, this innuendo, this intention, this emotion... oh my god...

i never told her, nor i even befriended her...
im just afraid... because i always think that im not the one for her...
or maybe, im not attractive 2 her or even anyone else... *sigh!*...

this thing inside me just wont go away, it just increases more n more, day after day... there is no single moment when i was alone, that i didn't think of her... shes creeping slowly inside me n i know, she wouldn't even know about it....
*sigh!*...
i always cried when each time im thinking about her... n im not ashamed of it... its just so relieving in a sense that i know, i cannot get her, i will never did...

each time i looked at her, i know that... deep inside i still hope that there is a place 4 me inside of her... every time... every single time.... EVERY MOMENT OF IT...
oh my god... y it cant fade away? or hide away? i tried but i cant get it off me... this is so new to me... the feeling that i called love.

suddenly, we befriended each other in a very awkward way...
i think, by hiding my true feelings, i may be able to find a fren inside her, even a slice of it... but then, she grows something i never thought she will ever grew...
shes in luve wif me...

am i crazy? am i distorted? or maybe im psychotic... but hell, oh my god...
the least thing i hope is she will be loving me as much as i luve her...
but then, it happened... IT FINALLY HAPPENED...
not in my dream, not in my thought, not in my imagination... ITS REAL.

shes in luve wif me, finally, after all the time i was in luve wif her...
im glad, yet im kinda sceptical, how am i going to make her happy?
after all of her pain, am i the real painkiller shes looking for?

ill try my best sayang... i promise sayang...

I LOVE YOU SITI NADIA ZAHRI,
from fadzli.

My wildest endearment.

2006-11-07T17:47:00.000+08:00

Could it be just FATE that everytime I am psyched to do something online, my modem suddenly breaks down, or blows out for no reason. It’s not like I didn’t ask for it (I left it on for almost 40 hours non-stop since I left for Puncak Perdana the day before the day before yesterday and only asked Ayah to turn the switch off the day before yesterday night). Hahah. Right. I am now sitting here enjoying the ambience of Starbucks in Taipan, sipping heavenly on their Vanilla Tazo Ice Tea and the crunchy taste of their Mushroom Chicken. and the chips, whoa. yeah, before that I had the delicious Hot Hazelnut Chocolate. Right, Naddy goes to town today. Gimme a break. Kelly (my car, fyi) just returned home today and I was excited to take her for a spin, and a plus note to you I am dying for oxygen, people! I need some air. For once, I hate being stuck in doors and with my health condition.. please, please I beg for a change of environment.

Such a cliché to start my entry with, I don’t know what the hell to write. Unfortunately for me, I do have a lot to offer in my writings. My experiences. I just do not put that much passion in it like I used to. I don’t know how that I can be so into something at one time then it just fades away. I need a permanent inspiration. Something that can never be ripped off my chest.

Yes, inspiration. Like, Fadzli for example. Fadzli. A dear friend of mine and now officiated as the other half of Siti Nadia Zahri on the 1st of November 2006 (although we picked 14th October as the favored date, don't ask why). News and more news on me. I didn't happen so fast like you folks may think. It was entirely a phase to phase progress although you might not experience the thought of it since you hardly go out with me.

He is not a catch or a plan whatsoever. My unintended. I've just gotten out from a troublesome and suffocating relationship last August, been going out with a few people but hardly ever find any of them attractive until well, fate comes to live. This person who I was searching all along was right there infront of me. Someone who appreciates me, accepts me for who I am and blindly push away negative thoughts that people spread about me.

Naddy, a guy after another? It's in my nature, I guess. I love experiencing love until the day I find my true love. But Fadzli, he wasn't a plan. I think of all the guys in this world he should be the priority to what I have to offer. My love, my fullest respect, my devotion, my loyalty and trust. Everything.

Do you wanna know why?
Try this. Imagine, being loved for a few years without having to give someone anything, not even a smile. Imagine the loyalty of a person's heart towards you eventhough you've shaked them with ignorance. Imagine a person who put you up with surprises and make a day more special than the day before. Imagine a person who hardly complains anything about you.
And imagine this, a person who can still tell you they love you even at your darkest hour.

Have you experienced that?
No? Well, I'm afraid I have and still experiencing it til this day, maybe not forever but I put faith in this relationship and what we are willing to sacrifice.

For the first time in my life, I have experienced falling into love. Without force, without persuasion, without having to beg, without any moment whatsoever. For the first time, it's only a held of my hand, a walk through the bridge overlooking the lights of the Petronas Twin Towers and the spoken word of truth, "I love you babe, I've always have."

I love you, Sayang.

Nada Surf - Inside of Love

2006-10-29T14:24:00.000+08:00

Watching terrible tv, it kills all thought
Getting spacier than, an astronaut…
Making out with people, I hardly know or like
I can't believe what I do, late at night

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above

Only when we get to see, the aerial view
Will the patterns show, we'll know what to do
I know the last page so well, I can't read the first
So I just don't start, it's getting worse

I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above
I wanna know what it's like
On the inside of love
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
I can't find my way in
I try again and again

I'm on the outside of love
Always under or above
Must be a different view
To be a me with a you

I wanna know what its like
On the inside of love
I'm standing at the gates
I see the beauty above
I wanna know what its like
On the inside of love
Of course i'll be alright
I just had a bad night
I had a bad night

Haihh... finals coming~!

2006-10-29T12:54:00.000+08:00

Soon I will be back in Puncak Perdana, within another 4-5 hours maybe. Honestly, I am dragging to go back to that place. One thing's for sure, like every other time I'm complaining, there are no such thing as environmental peace. Yes, peace is all I need in my life right now. No one bugging me with questions, getting their heads into my personal life. Gosh, will they ever just get a life?
Finals are coming up and yes, the pressure is not entirely switched on yet. It will soon. I'm having two papers this week. BEL250 (Mainstream English II) and IPK203 (Islam & Communication). Right, I haven't studied for IPK203. I think some of the notes are missing. Oh yeah, I can see me being dead by the end of the week. How can I be so lazy and careless all at once?
The only extrinsic motivation for me to go back to Puncak is thinking of Sue's delicious Chocolate Chip Cookies that she baked for me during raya and of course, to see him. Him, my friends is all I need right now. My soul-surviving authentic healer/painkiller that I've been searching for all these years. I know I can go through absolutely anything with him.

Yes, but again rumors are being spread about our closeness. I mean, so what if we are close? Is that such a big deal? Why must someone be "together together" when they are always around each other. Why can't people term the word "two as company" instead of "love is in the air". Why is it that the society I am in right now, in Puncak Perdana severely impossible? Hahaha. It's not like they contribute anything to me, why should they even bother about me? About my life. Seriously weh.

So now if I say I love him, will there be a headline statement tomorrow?

But then again, they already made a headline statement about it. Duh.

What if I said it is pretty obvious the previous poem was dedicate to him, will they again pressure us with questions about being together forever?

Oh, but then again they will pray for us to part a.s.a.p

So does it matter at all? No it doesn't. I don't care what you think. Because all I ever need right now is being right there beside him, wherever life may take us.

the feeling stays

2006-10-11T16:21:00.000+08:00

I'm back home, again. whoa, it's like i'm between home and hostel. beh beh beh. mostly it FEELS like I'm only at the hostel to sleep, bathe and well do my assignments. and at home, it's all about leisure. damn it, our group presentation is tomorrow. we haven't printed out the materials yet. i have to drive back to puncak in one hour's time. it's 4.17 pm now. I'm pressing for time.

It was raining heavily while I was on my way back. Regardless of it, I managed to arrive safely and sound. Oh, I was TECHNICALLY speeding (please do not tell ayah, oh where is btw?). I'm starving. Really! Extremely! I need food right now. and a little sleep perhaps? I haven't had enough sleep. Well, I know that among the group members I have more sleep but still, not enough to regenerate my energy. at least for tomorrow. but yeah, it's NOTHING to actually bring me to face whatever it is I am feeling right now. I cannot face the music right now. That music that has been singing in my heart for the past week. Oh My God, can this just go away. I can't deal with this right now. This is worst than heavy loaded assignments, much worst!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Can you look at me

2006-10-10T18:51:00.000+08:00

Can you look at me
and tell me that you need
someone who can light up
your days
with laughter and comfort
and take your tears away

Can you look at me
and take out all of the hurt
all of the bruises
and the raging anger
away from me
and replace them
with only succulent memories
that will just be only
for you and for me

Can you look at me
and smile
saying life is now worthwhile
because you have me
by your side

Can you look at me
and be silent
look into my eyes
and see the contentment
that is blooming out
because of you

Can you look at me
and take me in
deep into your heart
and promise me
that you'll keep me there
forever and for always

Can you still
be able to look at me
after I told you
that you mean so much
that I want to have you
here and now
there and then
now and forever
can you look at me
and tell me
you feel the same?

can you look at me still
without running away?

by Naddy!

a new start.

2006-10-10T18:32:00.000+08:00

I've been drilling my brains for the past few days. Me and Nazz, along with Pija and Nad are working together on the newspaper project for our Graphic Design class. Each of the groups in class were given a task to create and 8 page newspaper. cool huh? so far i've written three articles and i don't know whether it's up to the level enough. I've stopped writing, for a longggggggg time now. Even so, thanks to the "project" I haven't been able to STOP infact, I'm so passionate about it again that I had yet need to change the layout of this blog and actually start writing again!!!

What's been happening in my life? Nothing interesting except the fact that I'm happy and still single. Yes, very much single but very much not available. Yeah, somewhat philophobic. People keep asking me how come I still haven't found a "replacement" now. I will NOT find a replacement. I will indeed find the ACTUAL PERSON who is meant to be for me, although I might say right now is not the time. I am between sleeping and doing whatever it is that I have to do as a media student.

I have a few more assignments to submit. A five-page critical essay on Photography, my pedophilia research final draft and uhh... my journalism ethics and press freedom interview paper (which, Alhamdulillah, I have done it). To be honest, I didn't even know the newspaper is due this Thursday until Nazz told me two days ago. See how lost I was for sometime.

Everything is work, work, work, busy, busy... and it's Ramadhan, it's all about fasting and wasting money buying food you don't need.
Hahah.

But I do have a story to tell.
But I am not ready to.
But I will.

OLYMPUS E-500 DSLR

2006-08-18T12:18:00.000+08:00

Okay I am an official owner of an Olympus E-500 DSLR. I want to express my greatest appreciation to both Mama and Ayah for financially aiding me and make this possible. I love you both so much, what would I do without the two of you?

Now, I can finally do my COM264 assignment projects without any hassle!! Weeeeeee.. sooo happy waaannn laaaaaaa...:D

P/S: Sue, jgn dating je! hihi

After the long wait

2006-08-11T14:22:00.000+08:00

I'm actually beginning to wonder when will I ever start blogging again. As you have seen, I have been on hiatus for quite sometime. It is nothing to do with any emotional crisis, life has been keeping me busy.

Anyhow, the start of the new semester was pretty hectic and stressful. I wasn't at all prepared for the fast pace energy that the lecturers throw upon us. Like whoa, I am taking up Public Relations; Journalism and Photo Communication. Those three have already taken half of my entire free time.

Last Friday, I went to interview Puan Laila Halilah; the editor of BACARIA (a tabloid by Karangkraf).Along with Zetty, Husna and Huda we managed to get to Karangkraf Publications in Shah Alam 5 minutes before our interviewing time (thanks to Zet, for her shortcut route). I was assigned by Puan Azlina (my JRN211 lecturer) to do a company profile n BACARIA. For instance, I had to look through their background history, their reader's circulation, the secrets behind their blue and red maskheads, what does it take to become a lead news, and things related to the whole approach. It was pretty interesting to see how the journalist compile their stories and squeeze their brains out before the datelines to get their readers entertain, plus adapting to the market's needs.

My lead news for today would be SUHAILI IS NO LONGER AVAILABLE ON THE MARKET. Yes, Miss Suhaili and her newfound koibito have declared their love for one another last night while I was busy entertaining my lost and feverish boyfriend, trying to cheer him up (though it didn't quite work because he is still all gloomy this morning). Yeah, and she is also on her way now to attend a Public Speaking competition which will be held at the Pusat Bahasa UiTM Shah Alam, along with Awatiff and Shukri (my class representative). I hope she will be on her focal point and not distracted by any lovey dovey obstacles. Good luck, my dear all the best and GONGRA-TU-LA-TIONS once more ;D.

Okay, my fingers are cricking. It's been awhile, I'm getting old for this.

P/S: It's sad that the government is trying to filterize the content of blogsites. It is sad that we might not even get the chance to speak what we truly feel anymore. I mean yeah, death threats should be refused but what about the songs of a trouble-minded teenager?